Rainbow of Healing

The Beauty of a Bruise 💙→ 💜→ 💚→ 💛

Amy came running to tell me Lou¹ is hurt and needs help. We met some new friends at a playground that we hadn’t visited in at least a year. Just five minutes prior, they left in a hurry because one of the kids fell and mom was worried his arm was broken (turns out his wrist was indeed broken). Now Lou is injured too? My mama eagle eyes are scanning, trying to spot my eaglet among the others running and climbing and twirling. In slow motion, I see her walking toward me—physically in one piece—but the look on her face tells me she is not ok despite her composure.

She stumbled and slammed her shin quite hard on a boulder—jogging up a man-made hill of “steps” made from logs and stones. This playground is trying to mimic nature, but it’s failing miserably. There’s too much concrete reflecting too much glare from the hazy June sun, no trees to take shady cover. The freeway is so close the constant rush of traffic is gradually plucking away at my sanity like boiling frog syndrome. I’m gritting my teeth before I realize it’s been bothering me since we got here. Regardless of their attempt to make this a nature scape, there is very little green, and I’m remembering why we haven’t been back here in so long—zip line notwithstanding.

The round, metal picnic table is awkward and uncomfortable to examine her leg, but I get it cleaned and stick a bandage on. The skin is only broken in a couple of small spots, so a cloud of blue is blossoming under the skin. Every surface around us is hard and rough, there’s no where to sit close and comfort her. Still pretty stunned from the kind of pain that takes your voice and breath away, I ask if she wants me to go get a blanket from the car so we can sit in the grass for a bit.

We have to walk quite a ways to the other side of the park to find a small tree—much like one you’d see in a Costco parking lot—to lay our blanket under it’s minimal radius of shade so she can stretch her leg out and relax.

“How does it feel?”

“My leg is ok, but my head hurts from squinting,” she replies. This landscape is a stark contrast to the forests, trails and waters we typically inhabit. It feels disorienting to be outside and not be able to hear birds chirping or leaves rustling...

Has immersing ourselves in nature ruined us for manufactured environments?
I ponder this and resolve that I’m perfectly ok with it… The more green the better.

After some cuddling and comfort, I’m ready to leave (and not come back), but I don’t want our exit to correlate with her injury if it’s not warranted… ever concerned with rewiring their PANS² response to flee. We are, in fact, safe, so I think it’s best to regulate before making any big moves. I pull out nature journals and art supplies, knowing this activity is calming and grounding for us. The silver lining to growing up with PANS is even at 12 and 8 years old, my girls are not green in the arena of nervous system regulation.

I feel the energy shift and think we may be ready to move on to our next endeavor, but by the time the art supplies are packed up, the girls are twirling on a tire swing, then squealing sirens on the sit-n-spins! I know this vestibular input is great for emotional and nervous system regulation, so I try to endure the roar of the traffic a bit longer as they joyously manage their needs. In the car, Lou declared this was a conscious choice—she saw the spinny opportunities and knew it would help her feel better when she was still feeling out of sorts after hurting her leg.

I thought that was the extent of it, but over the next couple of days, Lou was extra sensitive, combative and edgy—just not herself. I drew an epsom salt bath for her, telling her it would help her leg and her mood, but she rejected it flatly. Dad gladly took her place as he is always down for a detox bath!³ But Moody Lou persisted… Her leg was a bit swollen and tender, but healing. Could it be fractured? We decided to give it a couple days to see if we felt it needed treatment beyond home care. But it seemed her attitude was the real issue.

“What’s going on with you?!”

“I don’t know! I just constantly feel like I’m about to cry or have a panic attack and I don’t know why.”

I tried to be responsive rather than reactive (which was getting quite difficult), and thought back to when she hurt herself. Just looking at it I could see how painful it must have been and was shocked she was holding it together. I told her it was ok to cry, but her tears never escaped. At 12, she has become concerned with letting emotions show in public. So I suggested maybe because she didn’t cry and, as we say, “finish her feelings,” maybe that experience was feeling trapped in her body. I could feel intuitively that this was why she was stuck in fight-or-flight, and I think in that moment she realized it too.

We snuggled on the couch while she finally shed some tears and released the emotional energy of that event. She finally agreed to a detox bath. At last, she was experiencing relief in her nervous system and mind, and was feeling like herself again.

It was a real “The Body Keeps the Score” moment in a condensed period of a just few days. This experience allowed the concept of trauma and trapped emotions to really integrate her awareness.

She has watched her father struggle for years to heal from the physical and mental health impacts of severe PTSD. But I think experiencing a version of this herself offers a deeper understanding of his world, and an important lesson on processing your feelings.

The bruise on Lou’s shin went from blue to purple to green—now fading into yellow on its healing journey. I’ll spare you the photos… But this visible rainbow of healing was lovely to witness alongside Lou’s emotional growth in the process.

Have you experienced a Rainbow of Healing?
Share your story in the comments so we may all witness its beauty!

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This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Green."

1. I only have two children, but you may see 20 different names referenced because I often let them choose their pseudonyms in my writing. They are usually characters from favorite books and shows—they are currently into Heartland. They love this little engagement with my writing and also the contribution their stories offer.

2. PANS: Pediatric Acute-onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome (though not always pediatric as the name implies). An autoimmune reaction causing inflammation in the brain, affecting nervous system response and a long list of other behaviors that vary per individual.
→ More info on PANS

3. Detox Foot Bath in dish pan
(double recipe for full tub body soak, work your way up to 20 minutes)
Epsom Salt 1 cup
Baking Soda ½ cup
Borax 1 Tsp (20 Mule Team)
Lymph Support essential oil blend, 2 drops (25% off with link)