A Return to Journaling
Healing through words I may never share.
In a book club with homeschool mamas, we are encouraging each other to get back into the habit of morning pages journaling.
I often use “pain/desire/gratitude” as a prompt if I don’t have flowing thoughts to start. I only wrote a paragraph for each today, but I swear by the time I finished “gratitude” and was closing my notebook, I could not remember what I wrote for "pain!" I had to turn back the page to remember.
It reminded me of this 3-layered paper-quilled flower my daughter made the other day. When pain is left buried under layers, it expands. But when pain is acknowledged, felt, heard, seen—it contracts and may even become the source of something beautiful to grow, like dung and compost fertilizing soil. As I allow pain to surface, it may feel more intense and putrid in that moment—this is what is tempting to avoid. But then it becomes more manageable and loses its power over me. The intensity dissipates and I’m able to view the experience through a different lens. I may even notice benefits that resulted from that struggle.
It struck me, this impact journaling can have in such a short time, and how making more time for it will free up my mind to focus on what needs my attention. As John Muir Laws says, “Attention is love.” There was a long period in my life when I instinctively compartmentalized pain to survive. Breaking that habit has not been easy. But I’m in a place where I’m willing to feel my pain, and in this attention, it releases its grip and flows through me rather than getting stuck in my body.
While this is not new information to me, I need reminders that time spent journaling reciprocates in kind. I feel like I’m already bending time with such narrow margins in this season of mothering, home educating and healing, desperately squeezing in all kinds of other creative and mindful practices (writing included).
Can I possibly make more time for this one?
It’s easy for me to forget how simple journaling can lay the foundation for other efforts to flow more easily, thus using that precious time more efficiently… Yes I’ve read Julia Cameron, but I’ve struggled to integrate the Morning Pages practice well or for very long.
Healing with writing is not new to me, nor is it something I ever really stopped—it always finds its way through me. But these journaled words I may never share. It’s too easy for me to slip into Writing, to start storytelling and crafting a statement rather than just letting the thoughts fall out of me like a pile of mismatched socks. [You’re reading one right now…] And I really enjoy editing, sometimes more than writing itself! But this also makes it difficult to switch off my editor brain and just write like nobody’s watching.
My thoughts move much faster than my hand can write or type. I know there are brain-connecty benefits to handwriting. But I am finding dictating my thoughts via speech-to-text is one of the only ways for me to reach that flowy free-thought state, and might be my best path to sticking with a journaling habit. If you’ve ever had a conversation with me, you know!
In February I created a habit tracker to help me solidify some routines to get me through winter, but I continued to use it because it was just fun. I enjoyed using it on my Supernote, a black-and-white eink notebook. Working around our schedule, I don’t always do things in the same order each day. This variance in daily routine created a graphic artwork of its own. I think it’s time to update my habit tracker to pinpoint journaling in my daily routine…
How do you stick with a journaling habit?
Love this, Leslie! Your habit tracker is sooo pretty and it’s so cool that both of our February challenges have spurred so much growth and creativity! I have been out of the habit of morning pages, but this was a good reminder to get back to it!
Your writing is so beautiful, and it always takes me to a peaceful, healing space. Thank you, Leslie, for sharing your heart with us.